Oh No She Didn't: Airplane Attire

Hello friends, fans, secret admirers... lovers.

Today as I sat and evaluated this blog and its mission to educate on the art of man-catching, I realized that there were still some components missing in order to make it well-rounded and effective. So, in addition to our lessons and Eye Candy, I present to you "Oh No She Didn't."

Most of my daily thoughts begin with the phrase "Oh No She Didn't", also known as ONSD. And most of those thoughts are completed with me mentally tearing apart this girl for her fashion choices. Are people blind? Or stupid? Or lazy? I can forgive everything but the latter. Laziness will NOT catch a honey, mark my words.

Our first ONSD was inspired by my girl, Jade. She broke down today and bought her first pair of skinny jeans. Everybody applaud. Seriously, hooker, give the girl a hand. That's better.

Her dilemma was what to wear on her flight from Austin to Lubbock. I can sympathize. I, myself, have made some very poor fashion decisions on flights. And guess what, I'm still single. Coincidence? I think not.

Just because you are trapped in a vacuum-sealed, airborne litter box (think about it) does not mean that it is OK to dress like a bag lady in the name of "comfort." You know what else is comfortable? A couch that you will share with no one but your 18 cats. How do you feel about comfort now? Mmmmhmmm.

Every moment is a chance to land you a sugar daddy. I mean husband. Oh hell, I meant sugar daddy. They say that money doesn't grow on trees, but only poor people say that. Rich people have money orchards, and I want to move in. But I can't convince a man to let me make it rain 100 dollar bills if I look like that troll under the bridge.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you wear a couture gown and diamonds, but would it kill you to put on a pair of jeans instead of those sweatpants? Oh, do NOT give me that "But they're Victoria's Secret, and they say LOVE across my butt." Well good for you, honey. I'm glad that someone loves your ass because no man on that plane is going to. Rule of thumb, if you're going to put on makeup - put on pants. It's that simple.

Next, I realize you're going to have to take off your shoes. That is not permission to wear those ugly Adidas slider sandals or, God forbid, Crocs. Ballet flats and TOMS are both easy to take-off and put-on in a hurry. Just so you know.

I say all of this out of love... for good clothes. Oh, and you too. Because I do love you, and I want to see you catch a man. Just not one of my men. Just to remind you, I will cut a ho.

To recap, an airport/airplane and early flight does not constitute pajama-couture. Look fly on that plane, girl. Haha, get it?

Go catch you a damn man, ladies.