November is here. Ahhh, sweet November. These glorious 30 days bring so much wonderment to the world. Including:
-Halloween is over, and they'll finally quit playing that damn Paranormal Activity 3 trailer.
-It's finally socially acceptable to start listening to Christmas music, and I've got my eye on a juicy new She & Him album and, of course, the new Justin Bieber.
-I will spend literally hours snuggling coffee and listening to cute boys play acoustic guitars on YouTube.
-I will write many, many letters to Santa asking for aforementioned boys.
But most importantly, the real showcase of this month, is NO SHAVE NOVEMBER.
Urbandictionary.com defines it as "The month of November in which you don't shave any hair of your body but instead you grow more bestial, brutish, and manly."
I couldn't agree more, but it goes by another name in the Woman World: Man-catching season.
That's right, ladies! Our own official sport has arrived! For one solid month, those lovely male faces will be enhanced with rugged, manly beards and bodies clad in flannel. For 11 months we pine for MEN - not boys. And now, they have arrived.
Thus, this is a month we should all be taking very seriously. As much as we would like to just lounge in Starbucks and watch those precious beards twitch as they pore over their MacBooks and swoon when whipped cream clings to those hair particles above their lip...
Sorry. Sidetracked. Anyway, back to business. Don't get distracted! Many a boy was claimed and lost during this month. Don't fall victim to distraction.
I've been asked the question, "Does No Shave November include girls?"
Yes. If you want to end up without a Christmas cuddlebuddy and spend the holidays gorging your way through sprinkled cookies and spiked eggnog! But if you want to catch you a honey, shave ya damn legs. We have 11 months of the year to slack. This. Is. Not. One. Of. Them.
In fact, just as game-hunters prepare their shotguns and crossbows to take down Bambi's mom, we need to build up our arsenal. Here's what you'll need.
-Man-Catching Clothes. Pull out your best threads. Leave the sweats at home.
-A full social calendar. You won't meet a boy sitting on your couch unless you're into screen names like BigBootyLuvr69.
-New hair, new you. Time to call up that hairdresser. If you're like me, those grays aren't going to lure in the big fish.
What's the last thing you need? Passion. That's right, ladies. Visualize the prize, and go for it. As Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights so adeptly coined, "Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose." As I so adeptly coined, "Go catch you a damn man, ladies."
Go forth and prosper.
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