At first, it offended me. I took it as an insult to my looks or personality (hot and sassy) and was wildly confused. However, I was taking this piece of advice all wrong. What they really meant was that my standards and expectations usually fall in one category... CELEBRITY. And, apparently, that is setting the bar too high.
I'd like to take this moment to say thank you for your advice and concern, and you're probably right. But no way, Jose. My ambitions remain as high as ever.
I don't think there is anything wrong with concentrating the majority of my man-catching energy on the one percent of the American population. But for the record, I'll take a European. Mrs. Pattinson has a lovely ring to it.
Truthfully, my romantic history is composed largely of celebrity crushes. Let me break it down for you.
5 years old: Johnny Depp
In 1993, "Benny and Joon" was released. It was that year, I fell in love. Though my frontal lobe was approximately 18 years away from being fully developed, I was positive I would marry him one day. To be honest, my frontal lobe is now fully developed, and I'm still kind of holding out on this one.8 years old: Patrick Swayze
I don't really know what I was allowed to watch "Dirty Dancing" or if I was actually even allowed, but I watched it and there was no turning back. This movie was and is a huge hit with the women in my family. My cousins and I used to say we were "Patrick Swayze-Crazy". Some things never change. Miss you, boo.9 years old: Leonardo DiCaprio
"Titanic". No other explanation necessary. I was first in line in 1997, and I'll be first in line in 2012. 10 years old: Devon Sawa
You may not remember this one, but my heart does. You may remember him as Casper after Christina Ricci put him in that machine that made him a real boy for like 30 min, and they kissed? Or maybe in "Wild America" with Jonathan Taylor Thomas (King Heartthrob of the time, but far too mainstream for my eternal hipster attitude). Or you might remember his bare butt in "Now and Then"! It was quite scandalous at the time. Junior High: N*Sync
Pretty much any member of the band at different intervals over three years. But particularly Lance Bass, who turned out to be gay. Pretty much sums up my life...
High School: The mash-up years
These were the years where I became adept at juggling many celebrity crushes. I realized that I was limiting my potential if I declared my love for only one Hollywood hottie. A girl had to have options! However, these four years were comprised mostly of Adam Brody. Yum.
The above is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my celebrity love life. Just as girls wish to be princesses, I wish to walk down the red carpet at the Oscars while my handsome Hollywood husband shows me off to all of the adoring paparazzi.
You might call me crazy, but don't expect an invitation to my post-Golden Globes soiree.
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