The friend zone is all too-familiar territory for me. In fact, I can maneuver through it so well I'm like Whitney Houston running through the halls of rehab.
What is the friend zone? Well, the friend zone is, at it's core, completely misunderstood. It's really not as bad as it seems. Females have spent centuries (hello, hyperbole) complaining and trying to avoid it. Males, on the other hand, seem (I'm not an expert) to have a completely different outlook on it. In fact, guys have a much higher standard for the friend zone than you might assume. They won't just let anyone in it, only those they value. So stop dreading it. It could turn out to be the best friendship you've ever had. Plus, sometimes guys pull girls up from the friend league to wife up. Might be worth the wait.
But sometimes you want to hold the crap outta that boy's hand. Sometimes the friend zone is not enough.
I'm here to help. I've spent years trying to figure out the friend zone, and here's what I've found.
It all hinges on that first encounter. Just as in a job interview, you're being scrutinized, sized up, and picked apart in the brain of this dude to determine if he's willing to shell out some cash for what could be a waste of time. Guys do not enjoy wasting time on anyone but themselves. And perhaps, women should adopt that principle as well. We'll date every Tom, Dick, or Harry just in case he might be "the one". Guys know what they want, and if you don't fit the bill, move along.
We females tend to have a misconception of what the first encounter should be like. In our heads, we're Jennifer Aniston in one of her latest rom-coms. We expertly flip our hair and laugh our infectious laugh while, on the inside, we're the perfect girl that all these guys having been missing out on. We're low maintenance, funny, sexy, smart, and every other quality that describes the "perfect" woman. We're misunderstood. But ladies, the only misunderstanding most of us are suffering from is the one we're having with reality. There is no such thing as a perfect woman. So stop trying to be. Whenever you make up your mind that being you is enough, then you'll understand.
But back to that first meeting. Girls have been known to make a few very fatal mistakes when it comes to reeling in that fish. I'm not saying my rules are tried or true, but take it from a girl who perpetually lands herself smack dab in the middle of the friend zone.
Rule #1: Shut up.
If you're like me, nothing brings you more pleasure than talking 90 miles an hour in front of a captive audience. However, if you're trying to catch a man, shut your pie hole, lady. This is what it means to be "mysterious" and "keep them guessing". What it really means is that divulging the woes of your last menstrual cycle or how that b-word at work ate your non-fat yogurt when it was clearly labeled is a big no-no. Guys don't want you to be who you are; they want you to fulfill all their qualities for a perfect woman. Even the best guys feel that way. Don't blame them. They watched the same Disney movies we did, and did you ever see a whiny, slightly neurotic princess? Hell no, you did not.
Rule #2: Avoid man-talk.
I love baseball. To my very core, I love baseball. Guys love baseball too. Perfect conversation starter? Negative. While this guy loves that I share an interest in his favorite sport, he has simultaneously placed me firmly in his friend zone. You can notice this if he says "this chick is cool" or man-shakes your hand. You know that weird thing they do where it starts out like a high-five but ends in an awkward finger clutch? Why do they do that? But, trust me, it's the sign that you screwed up. Save this quality for the second date. It's still useful, but it's only to be used as your clincher. You need him to be attracted to you on a physical level first. He's got to want to hold your hand and kiss you good night. And then you land that baseball bomb on him? Now he wants to hold your hand and kiss you at the Rangers game. Bada-bing, bada-boom. You've got him where you want him.
Rule #3: Act Interested
Too often girls bend over backwards to seem like the most interesting girl alive and to hold his undivided attention. Once again, shut up. The male ego is very fickle and needs some lovin'. A few well-placed 'uh-huhs' and 'oh my goodness, tell me mores' will go a long way. Don't get me wrong. It's still about you, but take the high road and feed his self-esteem for a little while. You'll be glad you did.
Rule #4: Don't be a pushover
We all want to prove to guys that we're super laid-back and not at all high-maintenance, but no man wants a woman who doesn't know her self-worth. It's OK to set high standards. Guys like a challenge, and most will rise to the occasion. Don't protest when he brings you flowers; thank him and move on. Wait for him to hold open the door. Not only does it say "I'm worth your time, are you worth mine?", but it also says that you need a good man.
Rule #5: Laugh at his jokes.
Duh.
In conclusion, don't fear the friend zone, but don't doom yourself to it. Life is not a romantic comedy. Learn to play the game.
Now, go out in the wild blue yonder, ladies. And catch you a damn man.
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