A birthday blog.

In honor of her birthday, this blog is about Lauren Collier.

How I have not blogged about Lauren yet is beyond me. Let me introduce you to Lauren and how epic she truly is. Oh, and how she almost got me killed by rednecks.

Lauren loves Soap Operas. We won't hold it against her. Oh wait, yes I will...all with just reason. Lauren invited me to tag along with the big kids to Soap Nation. Yep, Google it. Readers' Digest version is it's a convention for Soap Opera lovers to meet some of the actual stars. In other words, redneck Heaven (which we did not know yet). The trip down was a blast, and Lauren was introduced to my, what I have self-diagnosed, narcolepsy. It still amuses her. It should. It's bananas.

We were on a mission to get Lauren discovered. How on Earth that woman is not famous is beyond me. Moreover, Lauren could bring a lot to the soap world. She's a classy lady. And brazen like Liza Minnelli. Pause for adoring sigh. Who doesn't love Liza?

Back to my almost becoming someone's baby mama. Let me expand your mind on soap operas for a moment. Take your typical soap and take away the beauty, make-up, and money, and you have an everyday trailer park. You laugh because you know it's true. Well, this is what we encountered. Not fellow beautiful people, but hillbillies. Scary, Deliverance(ish), Texas Chainsaw Massacre(esque), rednecks. Shudder. Not only could they tell you about EVERY singe episode, but they could relate it to what happened down in Trailer-topia (an actual trailer park in Snyder). We made the mistake of standing way too close to them, too. The following is actual dialog. Reader discretion is advised.

Soap star hands Lauren autograph.
"AWWW MAAAAAA! I wanted Spinelli's autograph! That's why we came here! He's mah faaav-oooor-iiiite!"
"Shut up, Junior! Else Imma take ya outside and have ya daddy beat you!"

The above was a screaming match between a mother (with no teeth) and her son who was 30+ years old. Wicked.

All in all, the trip was...epic. I mean c'mon! You people know me. I LOVE crazy people. I thrive off of it.

So, happy birthday, Lauren. You make my days brighter. However, I will plan the next roadtrip because I have a sneaky suspicion you and my older sister are planning a vampire/werewolf hunting trip...