TV gradebook

When it comes to TV, there's the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. So ugly in fact that producers of said hideous shows often gather in rituals of torture. That's right, they shop for Ed Hardy and get their tips frosted. Ugh...I'll pause to let you vomit. But every once in a while, there's a true breakthrough. Like a unicorn galloping over a rainbow ridden by Santa. You can't believe your eyes, but there it is. A myth proven true that is so beautiful you can't tear away your eyes. But they usually cancel those shows after one season, so that's why you're still an unbeliever. Yes, I'm still bitter about Freaks and Geeks.

I love TV. Which probably attributes to many of my problems, but in my defense I am a much wittier and socially-conscious individual than when I used to see sunlight every single day. Silver lining, anyone?

Seeing as this is MY blog with MY thoughts, I feel like I can say what I want. So please read.

The Office- Let's begin with the obvious. The theme song is my ringtone. I have a poster, my browser is Office themed. There is a slight obsession. But lately, I fear for the integrity of my favorite show. Let's face it Jim and Pam were so much cuter when they were just that. Jim...and...Pam. Not Jam or Pim...or with a freakin' baby. I'm a fan of marriage, but let's be honest - the only person we care about finding wedded bliss is Michael. If you're female, you want to be able to fantasize about cute, adorable slacker Jim and not mortgage, boss, no-longer-look-in-the-camera Jim. Step it up, people. The Brits are winning.

The Biggest Loser- I love it. With my whole heart and soul. I love Bob Harper. I like Jillian Michaels, but not when she perches on the machine like a vulture. Too much, Jill, too much. The only slight problem I have is that it's apparent some skinny b-word thought of the title of the show. Double-edged sword. Do you REALLY want to win that award?

Glee- This is the unicorn I was referring to. However instead of mounted by Santa, this fine steed is ridden by Ms. Sue Sylvester. A vision in velour track suits, Sylvester brings back to TV what we've been lacking since the day of Roseanne. Classless, rude, biting wit. Oh how we've all missed a woman who doesn't give a damn. Oh, and the singing is quite nice too. Perhaps dim the light over Shuester's life (who cares?) and redirect to the true stars. Kurt, Mercedes, Brittany, Artie and Puck deserve some time in the limelight.

American Idol- I love you Ellen, don't you ever forget that, but I secretly hope Ryan Seacrest will fall down those stairs every night and suffer a penis injury. Though the verdict still isn't in on the existence of rumored falice.

Parenthood- Breakout hit. Bravo Lauren Graham. Can I be you when I grow up?

Jersey Shore Remember my reference to Ed Hardy and frosted tips? Here's the cess pool. Forget the recession. Why the hell is this being given media precedence over...well anything. Someone should be stabbed with Pauly D's hair, smothered by J-Woww's boobs, and have to spend an hour teaching Snooki the Pythagorean Theorem.

True Blood- Porn with a gap-toothed smile. Though all my friends love it? Maybe I'm missing something?

Bachelor/Bachelorette- Jake is engaged to canned meat (Vienna sausages). That's enough said. Too soon to tell about Ali. Though she still has that wrestler on there. Um...ewww.

Drop Dead Diva- You probably haven't heard or seen this because it's on the estrogen channel...oh excuse me, Lifetime. But there it is, amidst all the wife beaters, alcoholic psychopaths, and teen moms. Witty, smart, funny, and some really hot men? Lifetime did something right.

Teen Mom- My uterus is officially closed for business.

Alright, that about does it for right now. There might be a follow-up. If there's another TV show that strikes my fancy or causes me to question if I'm existing in some weird parallel universe.

Comment. Pass it on. BIG love.

***This is dedicated to my roommate, Katie-bug. Without whom, I would feel foolish for hip-thrusting while watching the hot shirtless men on The Bachelorette. She encourages it.