I wonder as I begin this blog if I am overstepping my boundaries.
Is it ok to say what I am about to?
Ok, I'll say it.
It has to be said.
I can't NOT say it.
Whew, here goes.
No, really this time I'm going to say it.
...
Hey lady, tan much?
I say this out of love, honey. In fact, I've created a checklist to help. I'm really quite wonderful. If the Nobel Peace Prize committee calls, please take a message. Sainthood is so demanding. Anyhoo..
1) If you wake up one morning feeling less like P. Diddy and more like a basketball stranded in the middle of the Sahara Desert...you tan too much.
2) If you possess blindly-white teeth and eyes, take a step back and realize that you look like a freak and...you tan too much.
3) If you have ever been asked what percentage Native American you are...you tan too much.
4) If you have ever been eyed a little too long not for your beauty but for your leather-esque skin which would make a lovely pair of shoes...you tan too much.
5) If frequently catch a whiff of something odd and look around for Joan of Arc, it is you burning yourself alive because...you tan too much.
While I admit tan fat is prettier than pale fat...don't get crazy girls. Like a cookie, golden brown=good, crispy brown=icky.
Big love.
